Her

It was 5 am in the morning
I received that dreaded call
I knew the reason before I picked it up
she wept
I didn’t
I couldn’t
I was stoned
For the next few hours
I remained calm
packed my bags,
didn’t utter a word
took a flight back home,
and landed in the middle of it
she laid there,
frozen,
motionless and still,
no sign of life,
A fortnight ago,
I was there,
right beside her
but busy somewhere
she called me
time and again,
it was very unlike her,
I had never seen her this weak
she had lost too much weight
I didn’t notice,
nobody did,
it wasn’t gradual
but there was zeal still left,
She called me whenever she was in pain
she never did that too
maybe she just wanted to spend sometime with me before I went away
never to see her again,
I didn’t know it,
maybe she did,
she never uttered it,
not to me,
not to anybody

My loss!
I don’t know which one is greater,
losing her within an year
or never getting to see her again
never to be struck on the face, with her warmth
never to be shouted at,
for my buffoonery
never to be told to be responsible again
never to be able to make peace with her
after hurting her emotionally
or never to be able to return to her when I knew that only she could help,
which she always did,

I have days that tell me
I am truly lost
If only she was here
walking beside me,
showing me the way ahead,
I would have been more alive,
today,
I just breathe..
until I meet the soil,
and see her again
with her smile and warmth,
still intact..

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